I really like this distinction, Rebekah — it’s useful. Thank you.

Something that helped me process how I was feeling I found in a book on grief (right after it happened, all i could do was research research research). The book talked about the difference between pain and suffering.

Pain are those parts of your life that you have some control over — you can move your body, you can eat, in other words: how you can work to help take care of your broken heart in tangible ways.

Suffering is different. Suffering is that ache and sadness that is so deep and transformative, and may never feel ease.

What I’ve been finding helpful is understanding what parts of my life I can take care of, pain-wise. And which parts I need to hold space for my suffering.

It’s also helped me in how to talk to my friends and family about how they can be there for us — I know so many times people want to help, but they just don’t know what to do.

Anyway, my heart is with you. I feel shitty too. <3